Dissociation
Thanks for writing in.
I practice something similar to disassociation.
I think of it as a strength to being practical when required.
Difference being that I do not shut down: I disconnect by conscious choice.
I don’t know if what I experience is dissociation/not because duh, I am no expert in this field.
I don’t get to the extreme of not being present in time, space, and reality (this can happen after smoking up).
I have not experienced a change is perception of space, except once in a 12th standard Math class.
I can imagine, or doubt the reality of things, but those are only thoughts.
Thoughts that show new perspectives, enable new discoveries, and engage new projects.
You will have to show me the difference between, 1. the feeling of emotional emptiness, and 2. numbness.
I have no thoughts after an art of living meditation course.
I can’t control this specific thoughtlessness.
I have specific type of thoughts, more of curiosity and wonder after smoking up.
I can control this specific thoughtfulness.
I have always felt my existence, but my general awareness is often absent.
I float around through life in my own bubble, as in an empty daze: like a drunk stupor.
I have caught myself lighting another cigarette right after a cigarette without any memory of the smoking the first cigarette: my forgetfulness.
Although I am aware of threat, and I choose to go through with threatening experiences because I value life experience more than living in a safety net: my curiosity.
I often see similar behaviors, and patterns in other people.
I feel like I am a mirror.
Although most of us behave exactly the way those around us do: in contrast, my behavior is the copy of whoever I am engaged in a conversation with.
I am never empty of emotion, unless I choose to do so for practical reasons: which is again a emotion of purpose.
So I am never empty of emotion.
My behavior becomes mechanical when I am dazed, or presently since January this year.
I haven’t caught myself to have any signs of self training to appear normal.
I cannot play a game of appearances.
I have no trouble functioning as a normal person.
Or maybe I am so good at appearing normal, that it has become instinctive.
My short term memory is very small at time.
My long term memory, as I have been told, is amazing.
Making notes in a journal helps my cognitive process.
If I ever feel empty, I fill it up with both good and bad habits.
I have observed that this is usually: one bad habit, and the rest of it with many good habits.
This mix of habits usually does the trick of bringing me back to recognizable limbo.
I understand that you have/had issues.
If
I believe that good communication makes everything better.